When your child is diagnosed with life threatening allergy to peanuts you go through many emotions. They range from fear, angst, frustration, nervousness, and of course guilt.
Unfortunately, we did not first find out about our son's allergy through routine allergy testing. I blogged a little about the awful day we found out. If you did not get a chance to read it, basically the day started with a peanut butter Whopper and then ended in the ER and a night stay in the hospital. Also included in the day was an ambulance ride and two shots of Epinephrine!! I don't want to ever go through that again, but that day plays over and over in my head each and every day.
Why do I have so much guilt?? Some may not understand. There is no answers to my question of..What made my son allergic to peanuts?? There are some theories of why there is such a rise in children that have a sever allergy to peanuts. One theory is the Hygiene Hypothesis. This theory suggests that because children have fewer infections (due to improved hygiene, their immune systems are more likely to target other things such as items in the environment and diet, resulting in the allergy. Although this theory has been examined by many, some have found this theory to have no merit.
So, where does that leave me??? If you are anything like me.. you turn to guilt!!! I began thinking that maybe I caused my son's allergy. Maybe all that peanut butter I ate while I was pregnant caused it. Maybe the peanut butter I ate while nursing caused it. Maybe the vaccines that I was told would be the best thing for my son caused it. GUILT...GUILT..GUILT.. When talking to a family member about the allergy she said that I watched what my son ate too much!! WHAT?? Now I have to feel guilty about feeding my son organic home made baby food instead of processed jar food that has no taste.
Guilt can run and ruin your life! I am working on not letting that happen to me. I try to make it a point to not think about it all day everyday! I have to admit, I have good days and AWFUL days. I worry about the first day he goes to school without me! I worry about going to birthday parties! I worry and worry and worry some more. I know it will get better. I am thankful to all the parents that have been handed this diagnosis before me and have done all the research. I am thankful that there are companies that cater to nut free products. I am thankful for the family members that have gone through their cabinets and taken out all products with nuts. Most of all I am thankful for the wonderful son I have that makes me smile and laugh each and everyday!!!
So, will the guilt run my life...hopefully not. I can not say "YES" yet, I am not there. With the help of others and looking into those adorable blue eyes my son has, one day I will be able to say it :)
2 comments:
Ugh, mommy guilt! It's a tough thing to get past, but ultimately does no good to anyone. Let's just say NO to mommy guilt!! You are being the best mom you can, and you shouldn't feel guilty, least of all for feeding your little one good healthy food. If eating crappy processed food kept kids from having peanut allergies the incidence would be going DOWN not up.
you know, my doctor keeps telling me its okay to eat peanut butter while nursing, and i am terrified that if i did and snapdragon developed an allergy for unknown reasons that i'd always blame myself.
that said, again, my doctor reassures me that wouldn't be the case.
mommy guilt is a tough nut to crack.
*hugs*
and dont let anyone tell you that you're too careful. you can never be too careful with the health of your children!
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